It was Monday morning. How was it that in 24 hours I would be leaving everything behind? I had made a life in Belgium that I wasn't ready to leave. I had family and friends and the best social life I've ever had. Sometimes I still think that I am not ready even now to let it all go, but, 2 months later, I have made peace that I have another life in Canada that I had to return to.
So it was the day before I had to leave and I still had a few things to do. That afternoon my host brother drove me to Couvin so I could close my bank account, then to Chimay so I could mail of a 9.7kg package to Canada. In it was a bunch of heavier stuff I didn't want to take back in my suitcases (books, papers, winter coat, etc). I was done those errands at about 4pm. At 5, a couple friends, Mathieu and Pauline, I'd invited over to say goodbye came to the house. Mathieu only stayed 20 or 30 minutes because he came on his break at work, but Pauline stayed until around 10pm. At 7, all of my previous host families came over for dinner. And Damien came just as we were about to eat, around 9pm. He was to sleep at the house that night because he had no other way of getting to the airport in the morning to say goodbye.
It was a really nice evening. The weather was perfect and we sat around and talked. My second host family brought me a little gift. It was an apron with "Erpion" and a rooster on it. It's from the village Christmas party that I went to the first weekend or so that I was living with them. And Pauline had brought me a little package of chocolate that I wasn't allowed to open until I was in Canada or on the plane. I didn't even know what it was going on the plane because it was supposed to be a surprise.
We ate a nice barbecue and had a good time. Then it was getting pretty late so everyone left. Martine and Jean-Paul took my two big suitcases home with them, because they too would be going to the airport that morning to pick up Laura. So we would just get them from them there in the morning. We didn't know if we would have had enough room in the car with 4 of us and 3 suitcases.
It wasn't until after 1am that we all went to bed, but Damien and I didn't go to sleep until 2:30. We were both pretty upset during the night. I only got about an hour of sleep, though I don't know about him. I got up at 5 and got ready. The only things left in my room were the things I was leaving behind and the things I was wearing that day. And my carry-on bag.
Around 6am I learned that we would have to stop by Jean-Paul and Martine's on the way to Zaventem because Laura missed her connecting flight, and would be arriving that afternoon, not in the morning. So They wouldn't be going to the airport. By the time we left the house, went by Cerfontaine, got my luggage, and got to the airport, it was already 9am.
I finally got through all the stress of being late and having my passport and luggage checked. And I finally had a moment to breathe. But I still had to say goodbye to everyone that was there for me. Of course my host mom, Manon, and Damien were there. But also Paloma, Andre, Alejandro, Loïc, Emilie, Mel, and Aymeric. We stood around and chatted for 15 minutes or so, but then I really had to go. I was going to start going around the circle with Alejandro, but he pushed me back and said "No, me last", so I nodded and moved on to Emilie. The second I put my arms around her I burst into tears I went around and gave my final hugs and kisses to everyone. I got in line to have my passport stamped that I was leaving the country, and my "team" couldn't follow me... I passed to the other side of the glass and gave them one last wave, blew kisses goodbye and finally, and painfully, turned my back and walked away. The crushing sadness didn't stay for long as panic set in. My flight was already boarding and I still had to get through security! All went all right at security, the line wasn't long and things were going smoothly. But they did have to open and go through my carry on suitcase. They couldn't get a clear image of what was inside (because I had things in a the metal Chimay box) so they had to take a look themselves. Once I got all my stuff put together again and my shoes, belt, watch, sweater, and blazer were back on, I sped walked down the moving walkway. The 33rd gate never seemed so far away. I finally got down to my gate and got in line to board. Once I was in line I felt sick. I felt like getting on that plane would be a mistake. I could stay. I could turn back. I didn't have to go. But despite what my gut told me to do, I got on the plane. I found my seat and a place in the overhead storage for my little suitcase. No one was next to me. I sat down, took a deep breath and just cried. I kept receiving text messages from my friends and as much as I appreciated it, it just made things worse. The worst moment was take-off. As I felt the plane lift off the ground, I felt like I was actually breaking as I became a mess of tears. My glasses were dirty and I could barely even see through them from the salt from all the tears that had dried on them. I might have slept for a half hour the whole flight. I listened to some music and watched a couple movies. Not long into the flight, I became realy hungry and was already quite thirsty. Eventually they came around with water. I probably had 10 cups.
I decided to open the little package from Pauline. In it were chocolates and a note. After not having cried for maybe 15 minutes (probably a new record for that day) that sent me over the edge again. Soon after, we got our meal... eventually, after nearly 8 hours in the air, we landed in Toronto. It took me a while to find my luggage and I had to exchange some money to pay for a trolley. I went through and my family found me. I was so tired I barely knew what was going on, but my mom hugged me and I just cried and told her that I missed her and that this was the worst day of my life.
I hugged my brother, dad, and my friend Alex who was there a well (which was a surprise to me). I was still crying a lot as I met Francisco, our Brazilian exchange student. It was nice to see my family again, but the bad outweighed the good in this situation and I just wasn't truly happy.
It took me a long while to get back into the swing of things. Just now, at the beginning of September, I feel like I'm really adjusted to life back here. Though I'm still not truly happy, it's getting better. My heart is still in Belgium and I can't wait to go back next summer. But now I've accepted that I have responsabilities here. I have just started university. I'm studying psychology and Spanish. Soon I have to go back to work. My former employer seems cool about giving me my job back, but they just finished hiring a while ago so there aren't too many hours.
But even though my year as an outbound exchange student is over it never really ends. I am continuing my involvement in Rotary. I have spoken to 3 clubs in my district about my exchange. I am going to be more involed with Rotex, and I try to be involved in the lives of the inbound exchange students. There is a guy from Belgium in the district here and I'm really happy about that. Just the other night I had him come to Windsor and we went to an Avicii concert here together. It was so awesome. I felt like I was in Belgium again. I haven't been to a big concert since Rock Werchter and I haven't been in an environment like that surrounded by hundreds of people dancing to electronic music in a while. Plus I was with Felix (the exchange student) and we were speaking french the whole night. We had a lot of fun.
As the other exchange students arrive I should be meeting them. In Windsor is a girl from Japan who I should be meeting next Wednesday night.
